So many things can happen that makes changes to your life, but it is something quite significant that is life changing.

I would have to say that the first life-changing experience that I have had was to become a mother, both times. Being a single mother added to the experience. I could not imagine my life without my beautiful girls but wow, I bet it would be different.

Next would have to be experiencing death. The first time that someone close to me died was life-changing, how could it not be.

Third has to be the accident that I had 7 months ago that left me permanantly disabled and has changed my life forever in so many ways, some good, some bad but all part of the experience.

This is the first thing that went through my head when I realised that I had been flung through the air and had landed with a thud on the ground. The impact was so hard that it blacked me out for a second, the wind knocked out of me.

We had pulled off the road, we were stationary and I was just about to get off the bike. What the hell happened.

I knew that my head didn't hit the ground, I was amazed that I felt OK. I was sitting up and desperately wanted to remove my helmet, a feeling of claustrophobia was setting in and I couldn't breathe. People were shouting all around me, I just wanted them to be quiet .

I could see that I had landed some distance from the bike, other riders in the group were starting to come and help us. I can hear the rider of the bike that I was on calling for help to lift the bike off him, fuck Harley's are heavy.

Suddenly a wave of pain flooded my entire being, the most intense white hot pain, my leg, it was coming from my leg, I looked down and that was it the pain centre of my brain reacted immediately, I started to panic, oh my god my leg, it just looks wrong, it's not supposed to have bone and flesh exposed like this, my foot shouldn't be hanging like some limpet from the end of my leg. Now I am screaming in pain, someone is telling me to lie still and try to relax, not to look at my leg.

The people around me are my friends, they are offering me reassurance that I will be OK, "you are not losing any blood", "the ambulance is on it's way", "hold my hand", "try to stay calm". All of this seemed to be played out in some slow motion freaky movie, it felt like hours were ticking past.

Both the rider and I are still not sure what happened. It felt like a truck hit us. We are now lying next to each other, both trying to stay calm and hoping that the ambulance will soon arrive. We will soon know what it was that hit us.

Pain relief, finally, something to make this all go away. They are asking me questions, my name, where I am, what day is it. I don't care, I just want the pain to stop, then there is relief, consciousness is fading, everything around me is awash in shades of grey, I can hear what's happening but I just don't give a fuck any more.

Approximately 90 minutes after the accident occurred I arrived in the emergency unit of Liverpool hospital in Sydney's south west. I have fragmented memories of what occurred over the next 12 hours. They are pumping me full of pain killers and I am struggling to stay awake. I don't want the pain but I don't want to go to sleep. I want to understand what is going on. 

There are a couple of people with me, I am glad of this. My two daughters are on their way to the hospital, this scares me, I don't want them to see me like this, but I want to hug them and tell them that I will be OK and they must not worry. I have broken my leg and it will be fixed in no time, no worries, before you know it I'll be back on my feet.

My clothing is being cut off me and they are telling me that I will be going into surgery. Then I am told something that is incomprehensible, I must be hearing things, what did he say? AMPUTATE! I'm wide awake now, morphine or no morphine that word rang in my ears.
 "What did you say" I asked thinking that this was some sort of sick joke. "It is highly likely that I am going to amputate your left leg tonight". 
I don't know how I managed to function well enough to operate the thought process and to be able to verbalise those thoughts to make perfectly clear my feelings on that comment, however I have it on good authority that this was my response. "It is highly likely that you won't, because I would like another opinion and I will not sign a consent form" and with that I promptly fell back into unconsciousness.

What the fuck was that......??? Both my rider and I expected that it was a car or even a truck that hit us. We were stationary and sitting on the shoulder of the road, we were hit on the left side from behind, we didn't see what was coming. Whatever it was they must have been out of control and off the road before they hit us. But it wasn't a car or a truck, it was much worse than that, much harder to accept because it just doesn't happen. it was another motorbike, and worse still it was someone that we know.


 

 I love my 2 beautiful daughters, they are my life and my best friends, they have stood by my side and supported me through the most difficult time of my life. I could not imagine life without them.
I love my true friends, the ones that know me intimately and accept me just as I am without judgment.
I love my inner strength and tenacity, without those qualities I would not have been able to deal with my recent loss.
I love life because "life is beautiful"

A beautiful warm and sunny day in Sydney. 
Perfect motorbike riding weather.

The group of riders were all excited about the ride, we were heading to the south coast to a popular pub known as "The Husky" for lunch. 
Stops along the way were planned, we were going to ride through the southern highlands stopping at a place called the Pie in the Sky along the way. This is one of my favourite stop off points, they make really good hot chocolate and custard tarts, this was to be my breakfast and I could almost taste it as we were leaving the main streets of Sydney.

I was a pillion on my mate Pete's Harley sportster, this was going to be fun. Pete is a great rider and his bike is built to handle the winding roads that we would be travelling on.

This should be a happy memory of a great day out with good mates. 

This was the day that I wouldn't come home. This was the first day of the start of a life that is changed forever. This is the day that haunts me still. This is the day that I had to make a slight change of plans...........






 

I suppose the beginning would be a good place, but that has already been done and besides this doesn't even start to get interesting until much later.
Yeah, I had a fairly normal childhood. Hated school, had good friends and bad, all of the usual stuff.
Left school, went to work, experimented with drugs, got pregnant, hung out with the wrong crowd.
I've had my heart broken, too many times, ho hum, haven't we all

All of the above and much more. Yes, I could bore you stupid with these stories and I am certain that none of it will have any impact on you or anybody else.

Then there is the story of the day that changed my life forever. The day that this journal will be dedicated to so that I can share my story and maybe inspire or help someone else.

In the end the beginning is a good place to start.